I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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