stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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