i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
