never play flip cup with pint glasses
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
