I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
