He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
