my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
