I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
