I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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