There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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