What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
