HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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