Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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