Tell her she can't have a vagina
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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