She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
