Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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