I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well I just put wine in my tea
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
