clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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