Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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