I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
