Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
