the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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