i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
