I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
