last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
