I accidentally had phone sex last night
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
