All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
