her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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