It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
