Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
