You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
