I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
