Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
