Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
