I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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