Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
