You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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