I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize