I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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