fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
