We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
