I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i drank out of a bidet.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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