Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
