god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
