i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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