I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
