She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
