If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
