Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
