There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
