This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
