absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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