eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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