So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
