so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
