Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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