Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Couch. On fire.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
