I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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