Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
