Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
