apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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