i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
