He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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