we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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