Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
50% drunk capacity currently
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We're too hungover to prance.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
