Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
