someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
